Boxes of Wedding Things

We're unpacking a little bit more everyday.  
Being married get a little less weird everyday.


Last night Zach and I were putting clothes away.  And I saw how bizarre it was for my clothes to be in his dresser.  And my book shelf to have his picture frames on it.  
And I sat on my bed and cried while he held me.  
And I missed my mom. 
And my wedding bouquets were dying.
And my wedding gown hangs with my veil in my closet taunting me, saying "you never get to wear me again."


And I suddenly understand why people have boxes of wedding things.  Being it's so emotionally significant.  I want to cling to my dress.  
I want everybody I love to be in the same place at once again.  

Even if the day was busy, and a little bit hectic and seemed to go by so quickly.  And the day after all you could think about was how you didn't get a picture with your two sisters.  


So I stopped unpacking and laid on the couch with my head on Zach's lap with my bear in my arms and watched Friends.  
Because, I'm actually a child masquerading as a capable adult.


It's coming together and we leave for our honeymoon Sunday.  And then I'll find a job and won't be sitting at home alone all day anymore.


For the record, I'm blindingly happy.  I'm just swollen emotionally.  


Kate 

Wedding Wake

I'm married.  It's awesome.  Except I'm unemployed.

I'm still in the wakes of the wedding hurricane, but all I can say is what a wonderful wonderful day.  Zach by my side the whole time, these lovely ladies keeping me together, my beautiful parents and family.

That's why people are sad after weddings.  Because all your family was there and you barely had time to enjoy them.

I'm blogging momentarily at the Starbucks by our apartment because we don't have internet yet.

I can't say enough loving things about my wedding.

Bah!

Kate

Matter of days

Hogan Easter Cadbury Martini

Wedding: 58 days
Last day of school: 37 days total, 27 school days, 6 weeks


It's 12:30am right now.  I took a nap after school today and ended up sleeping until like 9:30.  It has been that kind of day.  


All is mediocre. 

Wedding planning is in full fledged take-over mode.  My to do list is long, what I cross off daily is few, and I am out of money for any of it.  Thankfully, I have wonderful parents who want to pay for their daughter's wedding.  
But it's fun and it keeps me busy and it keeps me happy because I am excited to marry Zach, to live with Zach, to be his wife and I am excited to have a wonderful and dream come true wedding.  I can't way to have all of the pictures and video after the fact.  
A lot needs to be done still.  But a lot has been done.  


We've found a wonderful apartment to move into.  My sister would like it if we lived in a bigger space, but this one just felt like us.  It felt perfect.  I can see us there.  It's small, but we don't have much yet.  Besides, I feel in love with the tiny door on the pantry.  


My job is moot.  It is stressful.  


My marathon training kind of fell to the side.  Well, more like, I opted to place it to the side in order to not die from impending pressures from work and wedding planning.  It was a choice and I'm glad I made it.  But I'm going to try to run the half marathon next weekend anyway.  It's going to go so badly.  I know it; I'm not ready for it.  But I might be able to do it.  Oh well.


I get asked a lot about what I am going to do job wise when I move to Kansas City.  Like I know.  Honestly, like I care.  It doesn't even matter.  I will do something and it will be different.  I might work retail to have an income while I make covenants with myself to do something I enjoy.  


But most of my days look the same.  I wake up, go to work, then come home and decompress for hours on pinterest, or talk to my mom and hug my puppies.  I seriously love pinterest.  My weekends are spent with Zach, Haley and Andrew and various wedding tasks.  And attempts to clean and prepare for another week.


I didn't pack a lunch for tomorrow. I will regret my unpreparedness in the morning.  But not enough to get out of bed and do it now.  I think I'm going to pretend that today wasn't like it was, close my eyes, snuggle with my kitty and try to sleep.  


-Kate

For Better or Worse

The shadow of my engagement ring on my hand while I read a wedding prep book.  


It's like wedding art or something.  I've got so much cleverosity.  


- Kate

It's Just the Tequila

I have to work really hard to be assertive.  Sometimes I'm not very good at it.  As a kid, I was shy.  I'm still inclined to not speak up, not volunteer, not want to make the choices.  It's taken years of various jobs to bring me to the I-can-fake-it point.  But, by nature, I am an introvert.  
Spending all day everyday talking, being with people, using my voice of doom- it makes me tired.  


Which is why I meditate in my car over my lunch break. Sometimes I drive to a near by parking lot because it clears my head to leave the school.  In my car, I can be assured there will be no one else.  I can finally escape into my own mind and try desperately to reach equilibrium before going back to work.


I think I need a job where I can silently lose myself in intent focus.  


I'm thinking about making a blog (what are you talking about-this is a blog...).  Like a pinteresty blog.  Even if only to write about things I like.  Besides, I'm really good at doing my own hair.  And I love Bare Escentuals and if you know me at all, you know I love anything skin care related.  Plus, I'm wedding planning.  It's what people like me are calling out for!


I'm kind of obsessed with this blog: thesmallthingsblog.com 
Visit it.  You'll see why.    


On another note, I'm kinda worried I have pink eye.  (Gross.)  My right eye is red and itchy.  But it's not so much my eye as it is the skin around it.  The skin around it is red and itchy too.  Allergies?  I'm not running a fever.... 


The other day I uploaded some recovered files to my old PC from when it crashed in college.  I found these two pictures that I can remember taking from when my acne was at it's worst (freshman year of college-oy that year).  I'm still humiliated by them.  I want to get to a point where I can post them and say, "here it is, this is what it was, and this is what I did and look how great it is now."  But I can't.  It's bad.  I haven't even shown Zach yet.  


I'm working on it.


Besides, I haven't decided how really transparent I want to be.
I need to go watch Friends before I go to sleep.  
-Kate

Oh the lovely

My pretty princess braid.  I'm quite proud of it.  #smallthings

The Bells

I'm sitting in my room in sweatpants with Polar Express on in the background and Christmas music playing (in the foreground?).  My bed has a heating blanket and a cat on it.  My floor is littered with Christmas gifts, homemade and store bought, as well as wrapping paper, ribbons, glitter and glue.


Looks like it's Christmas time or something.  


Santa's the best.  I tell you what, working in a classroom full of kindergarteners, you have the trump card no matter what.  


Me: "Keep your hands to yourself."
Kindergartner: "She pushed me first!"
Me: "Oh man, I hope Santa's not watching this."
Kindergartners involved and in the general region: {Immediate behavior modification}


I'm at a loss for what to do tonight.  I've got that I-want-to-do-something-but-don't-know-what-and-any-suggestion-is-not-it feeling.  You know it.  I'm consciously ignoring my to-do list and my mom and sister are out and I'm set to entertain myself for the next few hours.  I could Christmas shop because my Christmas gift compilation thus far is meek.  I just don't know what to get and I hate going out aimlessly.  I'll buy things that they may like, but with no real heart put towards it.  Besides, I cashed in $100 worth of coins (no lie) recently and so I have that much more to put towards my Christmas budget.  


I can think of about 20 things I'd really like, but can't zero in on some good gifts for my family.  Isn't that sick?  The thingness of it all.  


Before this turns into a pretentious-tasting, meaning of Christmas blog post, I'll stop.  Because I would ramble and ill focused and confused.  


I used to be way better at this. 


Besides, I'm too cold to go back out.


Zach and I are still gingerly discussing how to divide time off.  No conclusions have been come to.  


I want nothing more to please my family Christmas morning.  But with sincerity, not fluff.  I want a kiss on the forehead and excitement on their faces and approval.  And I'm not focusing well tonight (perhaps it's the background/foreground distraction) so I don't want to waste time and money.  And Christmas is in 13 days.


I also want nothing more than to not hang up my laundry.  Trying to convince myself to hang up my laundry is equally as challenging as trying to start flossing.  Why?  The laundry is clean.  Does it matter if it's in the hamper or in the closet?  I have a steamer for a reason.  
Wow, I just successfully talked myself out of that.  


I could read.  I should have gone to the mall tonight.  I can think of mostly-thoughtful gifts I could have picked up there.  


Did you know the guy who sings You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch is named Thurl Ravenscroft.  Thurl. That's a name you don't see everyday.  Or, ever.  Earl+Th.  


I s'pose I could go to the store and get groceries.  But that's dumb because my parents buy my groceries.  But, I need tea.   


Other Kate updates include: I'm not eating meat and I'm training for a half marathon.  


Well, I leave you with that.  I'm going to go seek out a claymation Christmas movie.  #productivity


-Kate