Oh the lovely

My pretty princess braid.  I'm quite proud of it.  #smallthings

The Bells

I'm sitting in my room in sweatpants with Polar Express on in the background and Christmas music playing (in the foreground?).  My bed has a heating blanket and a cat on it.  My floor is littered with Christmas gifts, homemade and store bought, as well as wrapping paper, ribbons, glitter and glue.


Looks like it's Christmas time or something.  


Santa's the best.  I tell you what, working in a classroom full of kindergarteners, you have the trump card no matter what.  


Me: "Keep your hands to yourself."
Kindergartner: "She pushed me first!"
Me: "Oh man, I hope Santa's not watching this."
Kindergartners involved and in the general region: {Immediate behavior modification}


I'm at a loss for what to do tonight.  I've got that I-want-to-do-something-but-don't-know-what-and-any-suggestion-is-not-it feeling.  You know it.  I'm consciously ignoring my to-do list and my mom and sister are out and I'm set to entertain myself for the next few hours.  I could Christmas shop because my Christmas gift compilation thus far is meek.  I just don't know what to get and I hate going out aimlessly.  I'll buy things that they may like, but with no real heart put towards it.  Besides, I cashed in $100 worth of coins (no lie) recently and so I have that much more to put towards my Christmas budget.  


I can think of about 20 things I'd really like, but can't zero in on some good gifts for my family.  Isn't that sick?  The thingness of it all.  


Before this turns into a pretentious-tasting, meaning of Christmas blog post, I'll stop.  Because I would ramble and ill focused and confused.  


I used to be way better at this. 


Besides, I'm too cold to go back out.


Zach and I are still gingerly discussing how to divide time off.  No conclusions have been come to.  


I want nothing more to please my family Christmas morning.  But with sincerity, not fluff.  I want a kiss on the forehead and excitement on their faces and approval.  And I'm not focusing well tonight (perhaps it's the background/foreground distraction) so I don't want to waste time and money.  And Christmas is in 13 days.


I also want nothing more than to not hang up my laundry.  Trying to convince myself to hang up my laundry is equally as challenging as trying to start flossing.  Why?  The laundry is clean.  Does it matter if it's in the hamper or in the closet?  I have a steamer for a reason.  
Wow, I just successfully talked myself out of that.  


I could read.  I should have gone to the mall tonight.  I can think of mostly-thoughtful gifts I could have picked up there.  


Did you know the guy who sings You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch is named Thurl Ravenscroft.  Thurl. That's a name you don't see everyday.  Or, ever.  Earl+Th.  


I s'pose I could go to the store and get groceries.  But that's dumb because my parents buy my groceries.  But, I need tea.   


Other Kate updates include: I'm not eating meat and I'm training for a half marathon.  


Well, I leave you with that.  I'm going to go seek out a claymation Christmas movie.  #productivity


-Kate

Stagnant

I haven't decided if I believe in aliens or not yet.  
I'm not going to go anywhere with that.  


What?  I'm engaged?  Yes!  Is it still awesome?  Yes!

One of our many engagement photos.  This one was taken by our wonderful wedding photographer.  Check out his website: http://matthewgonzalesphoto.com/

Unfortunately, there's not much to update.  My life is not interesting.  During the week, I go to work.  Then I come home to my wonderful parents.  I usually spend my entire evening reading or watching cools TV shows like Glee or How I Met Your Mother.  

But I think Big Bang Theory is lame.  

I'm reading a Perry Mason novel, a philosophy book on Beauty and The Death Cure.  None of them quickly.  (I blame my phone).  

It's weird living at home (still) because it's like I can't separate myself from high school.   Also, the fact that I haven't changed AT ALL since high school.  Other than I'm way less zen then I used to be.  But, really, I have been like exactly the same since roughly 2005. I still think of all the same people as my friends.  I also don't really feel like that much time has passed.  I still wear a ton of clothes I wore in high school.  Which is both good (I still fit! Yay!) and bad (I need a more mature wardrobe).  It's like a weird brain block.  It's this crazy paradox of feeling simultaneously mature/ adult-like and immature.    

Bottom line:  Living at home makes me feel like a high schooler.   

Gosh.  I'm so sorry there's so little to blog publicly about.  

Let's see....I drink tea.  Sometimes.  I still love my iPhone.  I miss Zach more than is healthy.  I got my heating blanket out.  I take a multi vitamin.  I still can't find my favorite hoodie.  

If you read this, I'm sorry, you can't have those few minutes back.  

Nothing enlightening.  

Whatevs. 

-Kate   

Frankenstein

Seal photo bomb.

I'm watching Halloween Town.  The acting in this movie gets better every single year.  I totally wanted witch powers when I was a teenager.  Do you think in the future they're going to put a label on my generation's fascination with witches, vampires and werewolves?  "Back in the magic-movement, people thought differently about the world....."  No?  Just a thought.  


So, my job.  It's been about a month or so.  I'm required by a distinct paranoia inspired by the inservice I went to, discussing the dangers of social media, etc, to leave out any and all details.  Here is what I can say:  I am a para/ autism room assistant.  I'm learning a lot.  It's actually really easy to use some of the skills I learned with my Linguistics degree.  My Classics and English experience, good for nothing, but that's besides the point.  And the kids.  They are so sweet, and wonderful and lovable (usually).  This is totally the perfect first job and makes me see the world differently.  I'm positive I'll use these skills in the future.  


In talking with my also recently graduated friends, as well as some friends further into their careers, it seems like it's pretty normal for the first job you get after college, to maybe not be the perfect fit.  As is the case for me.  


I am sick today.  I've been sick since Thursday.  And was sick a few weekends before that.  So, at this point, I'm sick of being sick.  But, I must admit, it was pretty nice to lay in bed and watch Pirates of the Caribbean all day.  Would have been better if I could breathe like a normal human.  


So, I got an iPhone.  {Insert happy dance}  I love it!  Apple products are so user-friendly.  It's not complicated.  Everything about it makes sense.  It's a phone, an iPod, a camera, a game device, a computer, a calendar.... a million and a half things.  I love it.  Now, if I could just figure out how to get iCloud on that and my computer, I'd be set.  I have a mac computer, btw.  Also in love.  Same story.  


Wedding planning is going great.  We're starting to talk to caterers.  There's this one, it's more expensive, but it has a mac and cheese bar.  Obviously, I want it.  But it's not as reasonably priced.  And it's getting nearly time to go wedding dress shopping.  Ah!  Talk about entering crazy land.  But none of it is nearly as exciting as living with Zach will be.  We still have 8 months or so before the wedding.  But I'm pretty sure living with him is going to be fun.  He's a pretty snazzy cook.  


But there's still like 18 million things we haven't figured out.  I mean, my checklist on The Knot has about 30 things with exclamation points next to them.  Frankly, we are still adjusting (adding in some cases) our wedding party.  We're trying to paint this picture of our wedding that expresses us as people and as a couple and our union together.  We(/I) want elegance, romance, timelessness, but nothing stuffy, we want it to be fun and social and enjoyable.  And affordable.


I need to go take my puffer.  And sleep.  I need to feel better by tomorrow, because I know how much it sucks to be short a man and try to get through the day.  


-Kate 

Shoulder Shrug

Judge me.
I really like the Duggars.

Resource Room

Sometime, I swear I will update you on my brand new job.

It's brilliant and so holy.  I am making childrens' lives better.  I am making my own life better.

It is extremely hard and a little bit scary, but those are both good things.

There hasn't been a day yet that I haven't had to stop my self from sobbing in my car on the way home.  But, after all, it has only been my first week.

I will adjust.

-Kate

102- September 11

I think I should blog today.
About September 11th.


It's been 10 years.  I was 12.  In Kansas.  
And it still hurts more than anything to relive.  


Tuesday, September 11th, 2001 I was in 7th grade.  In Orchestra.  And my teacher, before we started class said something along the lines that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center, we didn't know if it was an attack or a mistake, but he just wanted to let us know.


I don't remember anything about the rest of the school day except that none of my teachers let us watch it on TV.  What a crock is that?


My next flashbulb is being at home at like 3pm sitting on my couch watching the replaying of all the footage on the news.  And sobbing.  Because, although I was young, I understood what was lost.  


Moms.  Dads.  Grandmas.  Aunties.  Neighbors.  Friends.  Sisters.  


People.  People who wouldn't return to their families.  Their puppies.  They probably had mail waiting to be sent.  They had journals that documented unfinished hopes and dreams.  


And I sat on the couch sobbing.  I don't remember where my sisters were.  But I do remember Tracy and I running to my mom's arms when she came home from work.  We were halfway on the stairs.  She met us halfway up the stairs.  


I remember she was supposed to fly the next weekend and one of the first things she told us was that she wouldn't be leaving.  


I remember in the days after my dad sitting on my bed shaking his head and saying we were probably going to go to war and it's likely that it would go on long enough that some of my friends would have to go.  And I remember thinking, "no way, I'm too young."  


Every anniversary after, I've turned off the TV.  I change the radio station when they talk about it.  For 10 years, I've avoided it.  The pain.  The emptiness.  


This year I watched it.  I thought I owed it to them.  To not pretend; not avoid.  


History Channel had this showed called "102 Minutes That Changed America."  Watch it.  It's hard.  You'll probably cry.  


But it's a really enlightening look at how it felt to be there that day.  
You see the faces of the firefighters who walked towards the towers.  The ones who you know didn't come back.
You hear the voices of the people trapped on the upper floors calling for 911.  You hear 911 telling them to stay put.  
You close your eyes as a tear falls when you see the people jump.  
You catch you breath when you see the clouds of smoke from the first tower falling.  


So here I am thinking about that loss.  That awful, mean, horrible, excruciating, terrifying loss.  


And also trying to figure out what it means to be American.  
Land of the Free, Home of the Brave.  United We Stand.  Proud to be an American.  Pledge of Allegiance.  


Those all have to mean something.  
But there's been so much anger.  Blame.  People celebrated when Osama Bin Laden was killed.  
I don't understand.  Not like, "how could they do that; it's still a death."  That's not what I mean.  


I literally don't understand.  I don't even know what I don't understand.  How I feel.  What is right.  My patriotism.  
I want to win.  But I want to be fair.  I value life.  


It's been 10 years.  And I know I can't do this next year.  I didn't post a picture, because I knew whatever it was, it would hurt to look at it again.  


In another 10 years, I will open this box again.  


Kate