Matter of days

Hogan Easter Cadbury Martini

Wedding: 58 days
Last day of school: 37 days total, 27 school days, 6 weeks


It's 12:30am right now.  I took a nap after school today and ended up sleeping until like 9:30.  It has been that kind of day.  


All is mediocre. 

Wedding planning is in full fledged take-over mode.  My to do list is long, what I cross off daily is few, and I am out of money for any of it.  Thankfully, I have wonderful parents who want to pay for their daughter's wedding.  
But it's fun and it keeps me busy and it keeps me happy because I am excited to marry Zach, to live with Zach, to be his wife and I am excited to have a wonderful and dream come true wedding.  I can't way to have all of the pictures and video after the fact.  
A lot needs to be done still.  But a lot has been done.  


We've found a wonderful apartment to move into.  My sister would like it if we lived in a bigger space, but this one just felt like us.  It felt perfect.  I can see us there.  It's small, but we don't have much yet.  Besides, I feel in love with the tiny door on the pantry.  


My job is moot.  It is stressful.  


My marathon training kind of fell to the side.  Well, more like, I opted to place it to the side in order to not die from impending pressures from work and wedding planning.  It was a choice and I'm glad I made it.  But I'm going to try to run the half marathon next weekend anyway.  It's going to go so badly.  I know it; I'm not ready for it.  But I might be able to do it.  Oh well.


I get asked a lot about what I am going to do job wise when I move to Kansas City.  Like I know.  Honestly, like I care.  It doesn't even matter.  I will do something and it will be different.  I might work retail to have an income while I make covenants with myself to do something I enjoy.  


But most of my days look the same.  I wake up, go to work, then come home and decompress for hours on pinterest, or talk to my mom and hug my puppies.  I seriously love pinterest.  My weekends are spent with Zach, Haley and Andrew and various wedding tasks.  And attempts to clean and prepare for another week.


I didn't pack a lunch for tomorrow. I will regret my unpreparedness in the morning.  But not enough to get out of bed and do it now.  I think I'm going to pretend that today wasn't like it was, close my eyes, snuggle with my kitty and try to sleep.  


-Kate

For Better or Worse

The shadow of my engagement ring on my hand while I read a wedding prep book.  


It's like wedding art or something.  I've got so much cleverosity.  


- Kate

It's Just the Tequila

I have to work really hard to be assertive.  Sometimes I'm not very good at it.  As a kid, I was shy.  I'm still inclined to not speak up, not volunteer, not want to make the choices.  It's taken years of various jobs to bring me to the I-can-fake-it point.  But, by nature, I am an introvert.  
Spending all day everyday talking, being with people, using my voice of doom- it makes me tired.  


Which is why I meditate in my car over my lunch break. Sometimes I drive to a near by parking lot because it clears my head to leave the school.  In my car, I can be assured there will be no one else.  I can finally escape into my own mind and try desperately to reach equilibrium before going back to work.


I think I need a job where I can silently lose myself in intent focus.  


I'm thinking about making a blog (what are you talking about-this is a blog...).  Like a pinteresty blog.  Even if only to write about things I like.  Besides, I'm really good at doing my own hair.  And I love Bare Escentuals and if you know me at all, you know I love anything skin care related.  Plus, I'm wedding planning.  It's what people like me are calling out for!


I'm kind of obsessed with this blog: thesmallthingsblog.com 
Visit it.  You'll see why.    


On another note, I'm kinda worried I have pink eye.  (Gross.)  My right eye is red and itchy.  But it's not so much my eye as it is the skin around it.  The skin around it is red and itchy too.  Allergies?  I'm not running a fever.... 


The other day I uploaded some recovered files to my old PC from when it crashed in college.  I found these two pictures that I can remember taking from when my acne was at it's worst (freshman year of college-oy that year).  I'm still humiliated by them.  I want to get to a point where I can post them and say, "here it is, this is what it was, and this is what I did and look how great it is now."  But I can't.  It's bad.  I haven't even shown Zach yet.  


I'm working on it.


Besides, I haven't decided how really transparent I want to be.
I need to go watch Friends before I go to sleep.  
-Kate

Oh the lovely

My pretty princess braid.  I'm quite proud of it.  #smallthings

The Bells

I'm sitting in my room in sweatpants with Polar Express on in the background and Christmas music playing (in the foreground?).  My bed has a heating blanket and a cat on it.  My floor is littered with Christmas gifts, homemade and store bought, as well as wrapping paper, ribbons, glitter and glue.


Looks like it's Christmas time or something.  


Santa's the best.  I tell you what, working in a classroom full of kindergarteners, you have the trump card no matter what.  


Me: "Keep your hands to yourself."
Kindergartner: "She pushed me first!"
Me: "Oh man, I hope Santa's not watching this."
Kindergartners involved and in the general region: {Immediate behavior modification}


I'm at a loss for what to do tonight.  I've got that I-want-to-do-something-but-don't-know-what-and-any-suggestion-is-not-it feeling.  You know it.  I'm consciously ignoring my to-do list and my mom and sister are out and I'm set to entertain myself for the next few hours.  I could Christmas shop because my Christmas gift compilation thus far is meek.  I just don't know what to get and I hate going out aimlessly.  I'll buy things that they may like, but with no real heart put towards it.  Besides, I cashed in $100 worth of coins (no lie) recently and so I have that much more to put towards my Christmas budget.  


I can think of about 20 things I'd really like, but can't zero in on some good gifts for my family.  Isn't that sick?  The thingness of it all.  


Before this turns into a pretentious-tasting, meaning of Christmas blog post, I'll stop.  Because I would ramble and ill focused and confused.  


I used to be way better at this. 


Besides, I'm too cold to go back out.


Zach and I are still gingerly discussing how to divide time off.  No conclusions have been come to.  


I want nothing more to please my family Christmas morning.  But with sincerity, not fluff.  I want a kiss on the forehead and excitement on their faces and approval.  And I'm not focusing well tonight (perhaps it's the background/foreground distraction) so I don't want to waste time and money.  And Christmas is in 13 days.


I also want nothing more than to not hang up my laundry.  Trying to convince myself to hang up my laundry is equally as challenging as trying to start flossing.  Why?  The laundry is clean.  Does it matter if it's in the hamper or in the closet?  I have a steamer for a reason.  
Wow, I just successfully talked myself out of that.  


I could read.  I should have gone to the mall tonight.  I can think of mostly-thoughtful gifts I could have picked up there.  


Did you know the guy who sings You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch is named Thurl Ravenscroft.  Thurl. That's a name you don't see everyday.  Or, ever.  Earl+Th.  


I s'pose I could go to the store and get groceries.  But that's dumb because my parents buy my groceries.  But, I need tea.   


Other Kate updates include: I'm not eating meat and I'm training for a half marathon.  


Well, I leave you with that.  I'm going to go seek out a claymation Christmas movie.  #productivity


-Kate

Stagnant

I haven't decided if I believe in aliens or not yet.  
I'm not going to go anywhere with that.  


What?  I'm engaged?  Yes!  Is it still awesome?  Yes!

One of our many engagement photos.  This one was taken by our wonderful wedding photographer.  Check out his website: http://matthewgonzalesphoto.com/

Unfortunately, there's not much to update.  My life is not interesting.  During the week, I go to work.  Then I come home to my wonderful parents.  I usually spend my entire evening reading or watching cools TV shows like Glee or How I Met Your Mother.  

But I think Big Bang Theory is lame.  

I'm reading a Perry Mason novel, a philosophy book on Beauty and The Death Cure.  None of them quickly.  (I blame my phone).  

It's weird living at home (still) because it's like I can't separate myself from high school.   Also, the fact that I haven't changed AT ALL since high school.  Other than I'm way less zen then I used to be.  But, really, I have been like exactly the same since roughly 2005. I still think of all the same people as my friends.  I also don't really feel like that much time has passed.  I still wear a ton of clothes I wore in high school.  Which is both good (I still fit! Yay!) and bad (I need a more mature wardrobe).  It's like a weird brain block.  It's this crazy paradox of feeling simultaneously mature/ adult-like and immature.    

Bottom line:  Living at home makes me feel like a high schooler.   

Gosh.  I'm so sorry there's so little to blog publicly about.  

Let's see....I drink tea.  Sometimes.  I still love my iPhone.  I miss Zach more than is healthy.  I got my heating blanket out.  I take a multi vitamin.  I still can't find my favorite hoodie.  

If you read this, I'm sorry, you can't have those few minutes back.  

Nothing enlightening.  

Whatevs. 

-Kate   

Frankenstein

Seal photo bomb.

I'm watching Halloween Town.  The acting in this movie gets better every single year.  I totally wanted witch powers when I was a teenager.  Do you think in the future they're going to put a label on my generation's fascination with witches, vampires and werewolves?  "Back in the magic-movement, people thought differently about the world....."  No?  Just a thought.  


So, my job.  It's been about a month or so.  I'm required by a distinct paranoia inspired by the inservice I went to, discussing the dangers of social media, etc, to leave out any and all details.  Here is what I can say:  I am a para/ autism room assistant.  I'm learning a lot.  It's actually really easy to use some of the skills I learned with my Linguistics degree.  My Classics and English experience, good for nothing, but that's besides the point.  And the kids.  They are so sweet, and wonderful and lovable (usually).  This is totally the perfect first job and makes me see the world differently.  I'm positive I'll use these skills in the future.  


In talking with my also recently graduated friends, as well as some friends further into their careers, it seems like it's pretty normal for the first job you get after college, to maybe not be the perfect fit.  As is the case for me.  


I am sick today.  I've been sick since Thursday.  And was sick a few weekends before that.  So, at this point, I'm sick of being sick.  But, I must admit, it was pretty nice to lay in bed and watch Pirates of the Caribbean all day.  Would have been better if I could breathe like a normal human.  


So, I got an iPhone.  {Insert happy dance}  I love it!  Apple products are so user-friendly.  It's not complicated.  Everything about it makes sense.  It's a phone, an iPod, a camera, a game device, a computer, a calendar.... a million and a half things.  I love it.  Now, if I could just figure out how to get iCloud on that and my computer, I'd be set.  I have a mac computer, btw.  Also in love.  Same story.  


Wedding planning is going great.  We're starting to talk to caterers.  There's this one, it's more expensive, but it has a mac and cheese bar.  Obviously, I want it.  But it's not as reasonably priced.  And it's getting nearly time to go wedding dress shopping.  Ah!  Talk about entering crazy land.  But none of it is nearly as exciting as living with Zach will be.  We still have 8 months or so before the wedding.  But I'm pretty sure living with him is going to be fun.  He's a pretty snazzy cook.  


But there's still like 18 million things we haven't figured out.  I mean, my checklist on The Knot has about 30 things with exclamation points next to them.  Frankly, we are still adjusting (adding in some cases) our wedding party.  We're trying to paint this picture of our wedding that expresses us as people and as a couple and our union together.  We(/I) want elegance, romance, timelessness, but nothing stuffy, we want it to be fun and social and enjoyable.  And affordable.


I need to go take my puffer.  And sleep.  I need to feel better by tomorrow, because I know how much it sucks to be short a man and try to get through the day.  


-Kate