Kathryn Blue: August 2011

I was almost doing really well. My circadian rhythm is nonexistent these days.
Tonight I tried. I'm having breakfast with a great friend bright and early in the morning before she flies back to chi-town.
At about 11 I took a nice bath.
By midnight, I was tucked into bed. No computer on, no movie playing. I read a book for a while and then turned off the light and got on my Nook. Then after an hour and a half or so of reading Water for Elephants, I clicked off my Nook and snuggled into bed.
Ahhh, sleep.
Elusive sleep.
I'm actually mostly healthy, other than this. I take various vitamins since I paused my meat eating, I drink a ton of water, I walk/ jog for 30 minutes pretty much daily. But regular sleep is so imperative, that without it, I'm really not healthy at all.
So, naturally, I googled "i can't sleep what should i do." A few sites have said if you can't sleep after 30 minutes or so, get out of bed. Something about associating the bed with not sleeping la la la.
So here I am. Blogging. And watching Friends, Season 8. Actually, Season 8, the Thanksgiving episode- one of the better ones. I freaking love this show.
TV and computer, two things the sites also say to avoid.
But they do suggest getting your thoughts out of your head.

The other day I was watching this show on TLC about obsessions, or collectors or something like that. It's not Hoarders; that show freaks me the heck out. No, like, seriously. I turn it off. And throw away everything within my line of sight.

But it's the same concept. People's lives becoming consumed by things.

There was this woman who had like thousands and thousands of shoes. Like miniature shoes, shoes for your feet, earring shoes, breakfast in the shape of a shoe....stuff that I think is tres loco.

But we can't be that far off. I mean, everybody has their something, right?

A few years ago, right after my grandma died, I wondered if when she was in her hospital bed, she thought of her things. It was one of those freeze-where-you're-standing realizations. What if I'm on my death bed thinking of my things?

The woman who loved shoes, she said when she died, she was going to be surrounded by shoes. What did she mean? What could she possibly have meant? Does she think when she dies, she'll go to a heaven of shoes? Or does she imagine that she'll be buried, it'll be a coffin with shoes? And the bigger question: Why?

Another woman was obsessed with dolls. She said it was because she had such strong maternal instincts. My initial response is, then be around children. Like ......real children. This woman takes care of these dolls, rocks them to sleep, gives them binkies, strokes their hair. I imagine her channeling that maternal instinct, like, volunteering with babies. Reading stories to them. Or at least be a Duggar.

Why does this show irk me so much? (Yes, I just said irk.)

For like 18 million reasons. But here are 5

With the money they've spent on these collections- they could have paid for years of my college education. Or at least my wedding.
These people have isolated themselves.
They could channel their passion into something really societally productive.
The doll collection CREEPS me the eff out.
They're missing something. By being uncontrollably obsessed, they are missing face time with people.

On another note, I need to stop chewing on my lip. It's gettin Black Swan up in here.

On another nother note, I don't think I've lost any weight. However, I have bought a few shirts a size larger than I normally wear so my body thinks it's lost weight and it is so happy about it.

I'm trying to sort out weddingness. There should be a handbook. Not like a white, swirly writing, plan-your-wedding-in-this-book, here's a smiley face book. Like a real, vulgar, honest, hang on girl-this shit's gonna freak you out-but in the end, it's all about love-but seriously, stop reading love stories/ watching those darn movies book.

Have I found a job? No. Has it even been a month? Yes, I month to the day. Do I like it? Mostly no. Is the house clean? Yes.