Blue

It's like an itch I just can't reach.

I'm nearly squirming.  

I don't know what I want. 
Which, in theory, makes it feel impossible to be happy.


I've been rereading all of my diaries.  I started journaling in like 1999.  
If this idea ever enters your mind, don't do it.
You just relive everything.  Everything that was wonderful - you miss it.  Everything that made you feel terrible - still makes you feel terrible.


Plus, my entries were so stupidly stupid, I couldn't even stomach reading myself until I got to like 2004.  


Tuesday I had two interviews and.............

 a facial peel!

See that line down my face?  That's a freaking tear streak.  

This is called an Obagi Blue Peel.  I had it done in order to improve acne scars left over from freshman year.  I've been debating it for like, 2 years now.  And I did it.  They put blue chemical on your face.  The dermatologist said, "it'll sting."  What he should have said was, "it'll feel like you're dying, but it'll be really really brief."

Anyway, that's what it felt like.  

The last few days, the blue has faded, my skin has felt SO tight and then peeled off (gross, I know).  It's real red right now, but I think it'll look great.

Oh, and I got hired.

But I don't feel happy.  

But, I don't really know why.  I sound like I'm 15.  

I roll my eyes at myself.

Is it living at home, missing seeing friends, maintaining relationships, trying to plan my wedding, not seeing Zach but for once or twice a week, money, feel out of control most of the time?

Yes.

But, hey, technically I'm employed full time now, so I'm going to pretend like this 3 day weekend is somehow different than the last month or so and soak up my free time or something.  

Ok, whatever. 

Blog post done.