I am a bird

I am vulnerable.  Sometimes I just feel too much.  Sometimes it's like I'm swollen with feeling.  I can feel my emotions pumping through my veins.  They swirl.  With every step, I'm teaming with thoughts.  


In the last 3 months, I promised a man I would marry him, graduated college, moved out of my Mass House and back into my parents' home, and now, quit my job.  


So, now that I have stretches of time to just think, I decided I'm going to channel my 18 year old self.  

Because, let's face it, 18 year old Kate was fabulous.  18 year old Kate felt free, never doubted religion, had plans.  She ran (ok, jogged) daily, was experimental and fell in love with her major.  She was freshly tattooed and totally a hippie.  18 year old Kate was a barista at a crappy coffee shop.  Of course, I was hilarious.  And all I wanted out of life was to be good, to love everyone, to know myself.  


I was so much cooler than I am now.  


So 22 year old Kate has high standards to meet.  If I don't regrasp myself, I'll all but dissolve.  


So here's the plan: no plan.  Let it fall into place.  I'm keeping my nose ring (the ring, not the stud) in, because I'm not working for Bed Bath and Beyond anymore.  I'm going to sleep in my pearls.  I'm going to watch Friends and Glee and let myself fall to pieces so I can move on.


I'm going to be face the world with Zach right by my side and it's going to be okay.  


On a less melancholy note, I'm going to have a good week.  


-Kate